Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Road to Paradise.

Gisèle, the peahen. Never too far from the cocktails.

In the beginning, I brought notebooks with me. I had this idea, this grand plan of writing about my observations. I imagined myself having deep, philosophical thoughts, but all I could scribble were things like:

Those fucking roosters. If I hear another one, I swear! 
I ate pork again today.
It's funny how sometimes the (I never finished that one)
 trip #45 to the washroom. FML! I am now officially and utterly out of all bodily fluids. I may die in a foreign country.
Those pigs! If I hear another one, I swear!
It didn't taste good, therefore it didn't digest well.
Two words. Poofy hair. 
Cockroaches and no one bats an eyelash! 
I. Don't. Want. To. Eat. Any. More. Pork.
I can drink the tap water!
Oye bici!
I love him so much.
Beer for a buck!!
I shouldn't drink the tap water. 
Trip #46 to the washroom today. I think I may have already died and this is a crappy afterlife. No pun intended.

Therefore, I've decided to start from scratch, or from memory rather. I'd like to tell you about how my life changed completely in the span of one year. I don't promise you it'll be in order, since anyway, it's been nothing but chaos here! Maybe with bits and pieces of how this all came to be, in between.

More after the jump...

First, let me tell you about me. I'm a glorious loser. I'm not insecure (notice the glorious?), I'm just truthful. In terms of life goals, I'm way behind everyone in my age bracket. I don't have a house, I don't have a condo, I don't drive a car, I don't have kids, I don't have a realistic nor tangible retirement fund, I don't have much money in the bank, I live in a Stephen King horror apartment building downtown, and I live paycheck to paycheck. Yet I'm sharp and adventurous. I'm vivacious and passionate. I just find regular life so mundane and I would rather not follow the clear cut path. Hence the reason I found myself involved in all of this!

It's not bad. I'm ridiculously happy. Ridiculously poor, ridiculously impulsive, ridiculously ridiculous, but happy nonetheless!

You see, I needed a vacation. It had been the year of doom and gloom, really, it was. My stepfather had passed away in the bleakest, most bitterly cold time of the year, after many years of battling terminal cancer. My mother nearly died a few months later as she was diagnosed with a handful of potentially fatal viruses. Home was Hell. My mom was panicking, my brother was rebelling, and I was close to a meltdown. So I wasn't exaggerating when I said I needed a vacation, huh?

As things began to calm down a bit (and everyone's vital signs were a-OK), I packed my bags and headed south to the island called Cuba. I had been there before, a few months before the doom and gloom, so I was familiar with it, on some level. I was fully prepared for what lay ahead and by prepared I mean, yeah, I know Cuban men are a tad flirtatious. I just wanted relaxation (while not minding the flattery) but nothing more. I wanted an escape.

We poured out of the plane, hoards of us foreigners with pale, pasty skin, but looking overly eager to embrace the sun and warmth in our shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops. We left modern society behind, to find ourselves in this time capsule of a country, ruled by a communist regime, but hey - all you can drink and eat, right?

We were nervously waiting to be let in, one by one, through the customs. We anxiously awaited our suitcases that rolled slowly on a rickety carousel, causing impatient middle-aged tourists to pace back and forth, while shooting suspicious glances at the locals, when they couldn't locate their belongings fast enough. Oh great, I thought. Imagine how they'll be tomorrow morning if someone takes too long to make their omelet.

So, this is how it all started. One very humid and sticky night in the subtropics.


  1. hahaha, just read this post! Love this!!

    1. Hehe! Glad you enjoyed! I really can't wait to start writing about my experiences away from the tourist's not going to be as 'fluffy' and sweet. lol